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Best Irrelevant Moral Crusade:
A certain law professor wanted to keep a certain college newspaper from getting the Bess Sex ever, but failed to realize that the legal actions needed to end the column would take far longer than simply waiting out the bastards who make the column possible. Don’t worry, we’re graduating. And we’ll take our sex to go. Need some summer Sex? Hit up besssex.blogspot.com.
Best Pointless Request for a Correction:
While getting yelled at for printing a feature photo of an art gallery too close to a similar story about a different art gallery comes close, the Dennie goes to Annette, who left a note asking reporter Amanda Eggert to “Please remember the women when you wright” when Eggert failed to refer to a man-made wave as a person-made wave. We’re all about wymons’s lib (our sports editor is female, for Christ’s sake) but if you want to defend women’s rights, at least learn how to spell it.
Best Kaimin Spelling Error:
Anyone know what a blouder is? We still don’t. But apparently they’re halting construction on campus, and it’s a front-page story. Did you know that as long as the first and last letters of a word are in the correct place, the ltetres can be scrmbelad any which way inside, and your brain still reads the word nomalrly? The error slipped past three copy editors. We’re blaming it on our superior-mental processing skills.
Best Villian (honorable mention Kaimin spelling error):
Cheers to you, Jus Chill’n robber. Way to knock off a smoothie joint. That $450 must have made you feel like a hardened criminal. You’re probably the kind of guy who orders the Starburst smoothie after working on your abs for 45 minutes.
Three-Month Achievement Award:
Griz football players succeeded in keeping their violent ways under the radar for a full three months, a wild success given last year’s troubles with the law. Congrats, guys, we’re rooting for you.
Best Wannabe-Pandemic Scare:
Swine flu. Way to be this administration’s SARS. The World Health Organization has confirmed 257 cases of swine flu worldwide. That seems scary and ominous and like you should buy a silly-looking facemask and hide for a few months, until you realize that 250,000 people die from the plain ol’ flu every year. ‘Pandemic’ means it affects the world and will probably kill us soon. To us, it seems like CNN is having a slow news week.
Best Way to Get Arrested in Missoula:
Hold up a Walgreens. There is even a sign on the door asking customers to please remove all facemasks, so way to break two rules at once. And if stealing prescription pills like it’s your parents’ medicine cabinet is too rough, better make for Dairy Queen. Nothing reads money-maker like a soft-serve ice cream shop. In April. When it still snows, apparently. The knife was a little overkill. Were you seriously worried that the high school girls working the joint would be too much to handle?
Driver of the Year Award:
Hat’s off to you, Park-N-Ride bus driver, for rear-ending a student’s car at noon. Usually we blame our driving mishaps on our drinking, but that early in the day, you don’t have much of an excuse.
And finally,
Best “That’s what she said”:
“I’ve always been someone who is physical, bangs and can get to the hole.”
Sarah Ena, sophomore forward for the Lady Griz, describing how she likes to play a sweaty basketball game.
I’d give out more awards, but I have to pirate all the songs off of the free CDs the Arts section gets, and iTunes runs slowly on these old computers.
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EXTENDED STAY
